Hey, remember that time you breathed in Arkansas and almost died, like that bit in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when they open the Ark of the Covenant and dude's face melts? Yeah. That's what living in Arkansas is. It's basically the equivalent of staring into the heat-death of the universe every damn day. Except here, you'd beg for a little bit of universe-heating global warming, because what you get instead is just constant, chattering, relentless bone-chill. If our thoughts had teeth, they'd be clacking together uncontrollably.
Sure, the 'Natural State' is beautiful during autumn or spring, but the winter? Sweet Jesus, make it stop. And yet, some brave, insane souls call it home and survive to tell the chilling tale. Sporting 💀 Arkansas on your clothing gives off the singular impression that you're made of sterner stuff (or possibly just made entirely of ice).
That's why we've etched this arctic survivalism into the very fabric of these shirts. They're made from 100% high-quality, soft cotton, to keep you comfy and cozy, even if the sky is vomiting snowflakes the size of quarters. Their prints are glacially cool, yet long-lasting as they're done with durable inks. Zombies are jealous of your survival skills and vampires hesitate to sink their fangs into you 'cause they might chip a tooth. Go ahead, show the world the ice in your veins with our 💀 Arkansas line of clothing. Or gift it as a chilling reminder of the time you experienced the opposite of hell's fire and brimstone. Honestly, does it even matter? We're freezing our asses off either way.
